thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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