the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Farmville is her only friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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