I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
