Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
