the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's blow job season.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
