Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
