cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
