dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
