I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
