OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
