Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
a search helicopter?!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Randomize
