If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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