My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i will never coherently bang her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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