so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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