...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
