Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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