Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
