I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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