Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
