HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
