I met the friendliest cop last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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