If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my poor anus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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