ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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