Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
