I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
