Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
