mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
