but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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