just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
