I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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