i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
