when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
