Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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