they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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