Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Say something about gay babies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
