I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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