and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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