For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
