I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
