I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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