she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
