These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
