Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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