I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
