Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
