It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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