I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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