What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
