I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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