Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
