I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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