Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
